We used to be so close what happened to times like that. Did the pain turn into hate? Because i still miss those eyes. I found a way to open that case. That case that destroyed everything. But who really cares now? I just wanted you to know, those memories arent gone.

på höjdernas topp står jag och försöker titta upp,
inte känner jag vinden som tar på mitt skin.
inget kunde nå mig, förutom drömmarna om dig.
du frammanar minnen som en dagbok,
chansen är liten det känns som ödet ändå.
om mina drömmar nu får bestämma,
men modet mitt sviker.
stannar hemma och studerar molnen bara,
låter kanske själviskt.
som om jag saknade perspektiv,
hur skulle jag annars inte förstå.
hur mitt hjärta kan plötsligt slå,
i takter jag inte känt på flera år.

När du ler är det ej dina tänder jag ser,
utan det är vår framtid som krossades av snedsteg.
Men nu kanske jag hoppas på att,
åter få se ditt vackra ansikte le.
Och inte bara få minnas hur det är,
när man verkligen ser.
Världen blir så mycket mer!

du är min flygbiljett
jag vill bara hur du ska förstå
att jag som människa förändrats så
mycket av mig är kvar ändå
men inget av det som förstörde så
jag har läkt alla sår
mognaden är på en helt ny nivå
men samtidigt så låg
saknaden har inte bekymrat mig
tills den återuppväcktes
av något så litet men fortfarande stort
nu sträcker jag ut min hand och hoppas på att kanske en gång få
titta på tv i din famn ändå.

saknaden är så stor

det känns som att gå

på grus utan skor

det är några eller få

som känner känslan

den som gör dig varm och glad

det enda som hjälper mot rädslan

du och jag varje dag

vi reser oss som ett jordgubbsfält

vi tittar på solnedgången vid en älv

du tar min hand och jag din

det är bara tid och svält

som kan hålla isär oss ikväll

en kyss och livet blir till en vind

That's just what it is,

life is like this.

The never ending story,

it's repeating itself.

I try to be soo good,

so you didn't have to.

How stupid of me to not see this coming,

how stupid of me to trust that smile.

Do you care,

would you do that,

all for the love.

You could fill the darkest room with light,

the light you give is not in you.

Hold your head up high,

and this pain will die,

someday.

You'r living in the dark,

you have kept your heart broken for too long.

var är vackra ord

utan budskap

vad är ett vackertskal

med ett hemskt inre

vad är en söt flicka

utan ett äkta leende

vad är kärlek

utan känslor

vad var du o jag

falska leenden varje dag

känslorna ran ut som vatten ur ett krossat glas

innan du får se mitt vackra jag får du visa ditt rätta jag

min istället flydde du och lämnade lilla jag

med min vackra fasad

Varje avslutat kapitel svider.

Smärtan svämmer över,

detta är mer än vad min sorgliga bok behöver.

Från pärm till pärm finns det historier,

om den som inte hittar kärleken.

Den som söker lyckan än,

han som ingen tänker på när dom går hem.

Där ligger han ensam i sin säng,

gråter tills hans drömmar tar över och lyckan visar sig.

Tills gryningen lever han som vanligt igen

here i am walking alone in the darkest sand
but i love the independence
i hope you will some day take my hand
and heal my broken confidence

that time is so far away
im crying without shedding a tear
you broke my heart that day
you did become my greatest fear

cannot say this to you in any way
the last time i see the sun shine
you looked so beautiful in nightclothes

you made it impossible for me to stay
i hope you still want to be mine
love is only a dying rose

But what if I love it,

the pain that hurt's inside.

Maybe I like to be unhappy,

that's the way it's supposed to be, isn't it?

I keep asking about the thing's,

but i keep saying it to my self,

it's all a lie.

I just wanna know so I can die,

please tell me is happiness a lie.

Love is only a dying rose,

i'm alone now im safe.

I'm alive but im not okey,

it's time to change.

What I have become,

my only fear,

live with you near.

Lets kill the sun,

I will pay my sentences with my own blood.

I have been busy loving you.

Let the time pass by,

i've been living a dream.

Every time i'm feeling god is not because of you.

So here it goes, all for nothing,

i'm screaming it all out.

I'm lonely and need your help,

but no one hears because my facade is blocking my tears.

So here i'm sitting in my dark room,

all alone everyone is gone.

That's the time it takes to find yourself,

in another persons eye's,

to feel what they feel.

But for you and me,

it all fell apart.

That day you broke my heart,

it all broke apart.

So here I am sitting in this chair,

all alone in the dark wondering.

Is all gone,

was it that easy,

to toss it all away.

Just in one day,

I saw it all fall apart.

Floating away like a boat that just have set sail.

But you know it comes new boat's they say,

but my harbor has now closed.

I dont know when it's going to open again,

maybe in a year maybe never again.

Because I dont wanna se another boat set sail,

that was the longest second in my life,

Even longer then that time you took my hand and said yes.

But the pain comes afterwards,

when I sleep alone.

The pain I handle inside,

my facade wont hold up any longer the pain is overwelming.

I'm trying to get over it,

but everytime I see you I just wanna hug you,

tell you to change your mind.

That's why i'm sitting here with the knife to my neck,

ready to end all that's left.

I have seen to many boat's set sail,

the last one I wanted to stay,

it found better land and sat sail.

This time I dont want it to happen again,

I am closing this land forever

so it don't happen again.

Bye, might see you some time in the desertet hell called my brain.

I will never be able to look into your eyes again,

without the tears leaking from my crumbeling facade.

You will never understand my feelings,

it's like the whole world is falling apart.

The only thing able to stop it is the knife in my hand,

trobering against my neck.

So I say good day from the chards of my broken heart.

I'm so small and the world is soo big,

all around me is fast moving.

I'm young and i'm free but I get tired and I get weak,

was it something I said was it something I did,

all this time you where pretending ?

You where everything I wanted,

you never listened,

now i'm moving on.

You where the one that was wrong,

I wasn't wort you so now i'm going to show you what i'm worth.

Sorry girl but you missed out,

we are more then just good friends this is how the story ends.

to bad you couldn't see, see the man this boy could be.

The end is here,

all the plans we had.

Now there is nothing else then tears,

I can write the pain away.

At the end of the night I bleed it all out,

we can never turn this back right.

I am leaving now and I will not look back.

I feel the weight of the air,

it's pressing me down in my shoes.

When your not here to hold me up,

I go down like a meteor.

You where my fairytale,

now you'r my nightmare.

What have you turned into.

I don't want to find a new one,

I just want the pain to go away.

So please don't say hi,

I never want to see you again.

Just leave this mess behind,

forget all the thing's we had.

Tell them it was me who was bad,

tell yourself it was me who was bad.

Tell me nothing,

I don't wanna hear from you anymore.

This is where you and me end,

the time we lost.

I have found new hope,

in the form poems.

Written not to hurt, but to heal

not like you did.

Emotions

I was so afraid of losing you to him.

But I did hide it well.

I thought he was a better guy,

I thought you deserved him.

But now I know,

he just had more to show.

If you know what I had,

but thats to late now.

Now I know you don't deserve me,

not after the way you played with the time.

So this is my way to say,

That I never wanna feel anything for you again.

If I knew what I know now,

I would not have spent all that time.

Thinking of you.

If I knew what I know now,

I would not have planed those things out.

If I knew what I know now,

I would have just thanked and said godbye.

If I knew what I know now,

things would be no different now.

I know now your nothing but a worthless try,

I hope you cry.

For the day I die,

I hope you will not be by my side.

the fear this knife creates is nothing against the empty heart

beating inside my cute outher shell that has created my living hell

send me back to the creation well

let me meet god again

let me have some friends

i want to feel warm and caring again

so take the knife out of my weak hand

and put it near my beating heart

carve into the source of my pain

and keep holding my hands until i see

the land of ethernity

or else im just sitting here alone in my dark room
on my chair with a piece of knife

ready to slice and dice

kill the life off a inocent child